Brand Astrology 🌖
Sure, we could rely on earnings reports, ROI figures, or digital visibility to predict the future of global brands... But if you TRULY want to know what’s next for them, look to the stars. So that’s exactly what I did.
Introducing the natal charts of 12 corporate giants, courtesy of our brand-new (and definitely 100% real) Department of Astral & Occult Sciences ♋️
DYSON - CANCER
SUN / MOON / SATURN / DUST
15°5uP3RS0N1C°28"
Well, Dyson, it's actually surprising learning you're a water sign when you seem so... ethereal. But it actually makes sense: your Sun in Cancer reveals how gentle and helpful you are to people you care about. You're always there for your friends, and with a control-freaky Virgo ascendant, you make the most to clear the air and create peace in the mess. However, and I'm sorry to be harsh... but your pursuit of perfection makes you seem a bit boring at times. And I know you're not! Behind this aluminum shell, there is a Venus in Leo, craving for love and emotions. You're idealistic af! All you're looking for is actually attention and validation. But Dyson, WTF with this lack of confidence? You know you're hot! Cause your Saturn in Aquarius shows us you also have a huge superiority complex. Basically, you think you're better to cope with these feelings of emptiness.
Our predictions for 2020? Make room for yourself, clean the mess in your head, and keep pushing things forward. You're smart enough, and you know it.
BIC - SCORPIO
SUN / MOON / MERCURY / CRISTAL
14,7° Cristal4Ever’ 74’’ Ouch… Sun in Scorpio… We’re not here to judge but let’s just say that Scorpio is not the most loved sign in the sky. However, luckily for you, your Moon is in Gemini, yeaaaaaah! Basically, the Moon influences your emotions and how they drive you and, in your case, it is a pretty good thing! Why? Because you’re 74 BIC, and it’s because you’re EXTREMELY adaptable that you have succeeded in staying the most iconic brand of pens and lights since 1950 (1950, dude…). THAT’S WHY! Sure, you may feel pulled in a billion directions sometimes, and leave some ink marks at mouths corners but man, you’re still the one… The iconic BIC Cristal, the so funky-70’s-baby BIC 4 Colours, even the shavers…
A piece of advice for 2020: Your Mercury in its 8th Mansion (yes, we’re talking Mansions here) asks you to continue playing it cool and low, people will trust you with their biggest and most classified secrets. You son of a BIC! ;)